How to offer condolences in writing: express your sympathy in an empathetic way

As it is not always possible to offer our condolences to someone in person, sometimes we have to find other ways of expressing our sympathy, such as in a written message. Today, at Áltima, we will show you how to express your condolences in writing in an empathetic and respectful way.

When is it appropriate to express your condolences in writing?

On occasions it can be difficult to verbally express our grief when a loved one has passed away and, on other occasions, it is simply not possible for us to be present in person with the family and loved ones of the deceased.

As there are a number of situations where we find ourselves in the position of having to convey our sympathy in a message, what is the best way to offer our written condolences?

In an ideal situation, if we have a close relationship with the family or with the deceased person, we should always try to be there in person to express our condolences. However, if this is not possible, there is the option of sending our sympathy in writing.

Always consider how you think the person who will receive your message will feel, the type of relationship you have with them and where you are physically located at the time. The best option is always to offer your sympathy in person or over the phone, but if neither of these is possible, there are ways to offer written condolences in a respectful way.

Tips for writing a message of condolence

A letter or sympathy card is the best way to send a message of condolence. Sending a message of sympathy by WhatsApp (unless you have no other option) is not appropriate.

In order for the message to be respectful and well received by the person who is grieving the loss of a loved one, it is important that you choose the right words. How to send condolences in a message? Here are some tips to help you write these sentences.

Show your sincerity and empathy

It is difficult to know how to send sympathy from a distance in a written message. If we do not choose the right words, we may be conveying a completely different idea from the one we intend and we may end up hurting people's feelings.

You will have a certain kind of relationship with the person you are sending your condolences to, whether it is a friendship, work relationship, etc. Therefore, you will know personal aspects of their life and probably even know the deceased.

Therefore, the best thing to do when writing your message of condolence is to show sincerity and empathy with the family. Show your feelings about the bereavement. Share common memories, if you have any, and phrases that help you remember the deceased. This will be a sign of understanding and will help family members appreciate why you are offering condolences in writing if you have not been able to do so in person.

Use appropriate and respectful language

When expressing your condolences to someone in writing you should avoid an informal tone, unless your relationship is particularly close and you both understand this tone.

It is best to send a formal message, using appropriate and respectful language. You should use phrases of sympathy that convey a sense of closeness and warmth, ensuring you don't choose anything that exacerbates the pain that the person is already feeling.

People's religious beliefs are an important factor to take into account in this regard. Even if you do not share their beliefs, you should still be respectful so as not to be seen as insensitive. In this event, it is best to be neutral.

Avoid clichés and common phrases

For bereaved families, clichéd phrases are of no value. As mentioned above, sincerity is a sign of empathy and understanding so platitudes will not serve to ease their burden at this difficult time.

When clichéd phrases are written in a sympathy message, they often come across to family members as a cold gesture, which adds to your physical absence at their loved one's funeral.

Therefore, if you really want to show your sympathy, you should aim for warmth in your words to comfort those who have lost a loved one.

Personalise your message

Finally, in order to write a truly heartfelt and effective sympathy message, always bear in mind that it should be as personalised as possible.

Forget about symbols of remembrance, like black ribbons, or emotional phrases. What the family expects when they receive your condolence message is that you write it from the heart, thinking about the pain they are feeling in this situation. That is why you should always address the person you are sending the message to directly. This way, they will feel that you truly empathise with their grief and you are showing your support.

Examples of written condolence messages

To better understand how to send your condolences in writing, let us now take a look at some examples of phrases of sympathy:

Sympathy messages for the loss of a friend

If the person you are addressing has lost a very close friend, you can use condolence phrases such as:

• I am so sorry. I know how important (name) was to you. 

• I have no words to express what it must be like to lose a close friend like (name).

Sympathy messages for the loss of a family member

When sending a message of condolence to someone who has lost a family member, we can use phrases such as: 

• I know this is a difficult time and I'm here for anything you need.

• I am sorry for what you must be going through.

Words of sympathy for a work colleague

To offer condolences in writing to a work colleague who has lost a loved one, we suggest phrases such as:

• I am so sorry for the loss of your (father/mother, grandfather/grandmother, etc).

• My deepest condolences to you and your family.

With these words, you can express your sympathy in writing in a respectful and empathetic way in any situation.